I'ts the beginning of the what...

It's the end of the second week and I feel great! I know it sounds lame and childish or as if I'm trying to portray complex emotions through a 150 character text, (lol) but it has been rough, and where I would have liked to be able to write something for everyday I just haven't been able to do so. Mostly due to the stress it gives me to sit down and write about how I was wrong, and how the way I feel now is way better than tumbling through life at the whimsy of a lilted notion that I could do everything fucked up better than I could sober.

So... it's been great...

This would be considered the second week. There have been dreams like I haven't had since I was sober, of course. Well, I dream that I am sitting on the couch when i stick my hand into the pocket of my jeans. it's then that I find I have hidden a few pills in my pocket. I can't even stop myself from taking them and then I wake up. Of course i'm pissed, firstly, because it was only three pills and not even worth it!? then it sets in that I am going to be thinking about it for the next few days. Boooo. After running yesterday I feel better though. I just can't stop being on the go or I think about it. weird how the first week was easier. Now I find myself thinking about how to get to walmart and return something and combine that with some change I have, to get pills on the other side of town. All on a pair of rollerskates. It sounds stupid but it sounds like something I would do. If not for being afraid to look like a complete idiot on skates it would have happened by now. And I haven't called anyone because they all know what I've been going through and I don't feel that I owe anyone an explanation. they wouldn't have given me one. But it's just funny how people will continue to poke and jab at one while they are trying to change their life.